Like a Wasabi

July 23, 2010, 4:15 am

I dreamed about you twice yesterday.
In my dreams, you’re still YOU!
one annoying, cold-hearted, good looking, and ignorance guy
who makes my world spins around.
But for the last few days, I find my peace
and I’ve been taking everything calmly.
I used to wait for your call/message,
and get frustrated if you don’t look for me.
I used to expect so many attention from you,
but got disappointed because you don’t care for me the way I want you to.
But I realize now,
It was because I keep lying to my heart.
As you know, hearts can’t think.
My heart wanted you so bad, It was crying for you all the time!
My heart beats and misses
And I keep telling my heart that you miss me too
I told my heart to chill because you will be mine
and my heart won’t stop asking me for you.
That’s how I was murdered by my own heart (which I put the blame on you :p)
But I did take courage and told my heart the truth
That I am no one to you
I am not even your girlfriend
I am just ‘someone’ in your life who might be forgotten as how you forget the first ant you killed.
You have no idea the hurt I had.
It’s not as bad as losing my best friend because of leukemia,
not as much pain as losing my first boyfriend,
not even as hurt as being told that my mom prefers to have no daughter than having one like me.
This hurt you made me feel is more like wasabi.
It’s shocking, spontaneous, strangely feels good, and awkwardly calm.
so calm it sways.
I find peace in the hurt.