Seeing You

I first saw you three years ago....
you were still just a kid, and so was i
thanks to a friend who got me to know you, i never regret knowing you
but in our first meeting, you were just 'someone i know'

in our teenage innocence we grow through silly thoughts, stupid understandings and ugly point of view of things
we were as spongebob and patrick
we also learn the curves of life together, growing in mind and soul side by side

than we got to the point where adolescence took its part
it's finally a closed circuit between us, where electricity run through us, and sparks were found
it's those of what people say 'chemistry'
we fell for each other. weren't we?

but sorry, i was late to realize that
i thought, that feeling i had was just the square or cubic of friendship, not love
but it wasn't

i never asked for flowers, but you gave them to me
you gave me your care. Full attention
you gave me your affection
you give me your hugs and kisses

than everything you do makes me sure of everything you say
maybe i was just too naive, or was i not?
i believed in everything you said
i believe that you love me

was it true? did you really say it from your heart?
because until now i still believe that you love me
well, at least you ever loved me

so we started our journey as a lover
i believe we were a perfect ugly couple

days were so bright for me
the world seems more colorful
it makes me want to freeze every moment with you and put them on my freezer so i can keep it forever

we carved our days into beautiful memories, though some parts are rough

Bandung, Bogor, Puncak, Jakarta, Cibubur, Sentul
malls, movie theaters, highways, swimmingpools, cafés, hotel, home, roads
friends, sister, maid, mother, father, enemies
laughter, tears, smiles, whispers, shouts
love, forgiveness, fear, anger, sacrifices

we went through all that together, right?
although it's not seen by eyes, not herd by ears
i believe you were always there to hold my heart close to yours through everything

i used to think that we can solve any problem, put side away any hatred, calm any storm
we agreed that problems were just pebbles on our way

until we reach this one pebble, which is too big to be called pebble
and too hard to overcome.

a road block, which can only be removed with something we don't have

it's the end of our journey

i lied when i said i'm willing to let you go
since than, my life just hasn't been the same

everytime i'm awake, i always find you asleep in the deep of my heart
and when i'm asleep, that's when i see you in my dreams

my heart was rushing
it didn't stop bothering me with nudges

maybe this is why i kept disturbing you
i'm sorry


Now, things starts to fall to their places again
my heart still cries for you
maybe thanks to time, it is much calmer now
although imagination is still my heaven, where you and i are trapped in everlasting love

still, under the shadow i bleed
my wounds are not healed yet

i should be greatfull to those who help me keep up this far
to friends and family who is always there for me when my heart roars asking for you

and thanks to you too
i understand, now, why you ignore me like that
it would hurt more, if we are close to each other but we cannot have each other completely
do you think that way too?

i'm paving my way to that stage where i can let you go ungrudgingly










and today i saw you....
with the very same glasses and familiar shirt you wear

the picture when you hug me came striking my mind again

i miss you
and i have been missing you nonstop for the last one year
imagine waves in the sea which never stops
that's how i miss you all this time, all the time

i wish i was brave enough to say hello to you
but everytime i see you, my heart starts to tremble and gauche
so i didn't








next time i see you....
i wish i have gather enough courage to come talk to you




14 September 2009