I Deserve Your Goodbye

Like tears in the rain
Like blood on fire
Like me in the crowd

You don't see me a special heart
I am just one feather of a wounded bird
I am just one woman in your world.

I flat around like a bubble
I'm like ashes who tries to catch your attention
And I don't stop

Until I realize I'm mere confetti in your life.
Yes It makes your days colourful,
Those nice things that make your party merrier,
And once it gets to the floor, do nothing but to be stepped on.
Maybe some kind hearted girls will play with it.

Now what do I do?
I think I deserve a goodbye.
What is it, really?
Are you offended?
Even so,
I still deserve your goodbye!

5 Days

5 days without you..
It hurts
It makes me numb
It confuses me
And hey, it’s like the afternoon sky, it’s bittersweet.
Really, aren’t you going to look for me?
I will buy any alibi you gave me.
Err, ask about the vending machine?
Or my foundation book?
Anything!

I miss you.
Just to think of you makes me smile.
I repeat your name in my head and it makes my heart blush.
Why aren’t you missing me?
Asking ‘how is your day’ takes less than 10second.
Its hard to believe that you don’t care that much!
In the name of me, myself and I,
I pray that tonight you’ll turn into a frog and need my kiss to reform you into human again!

I Think I've Gone Mad

August 5, 2010, 6:55 pm

It smells like beer, while I’m colouring the purple square.
I miss you.
Is this the way you ‘roll’ ??
Or you’re just not that into me?
Am I just comforting my heart by trusting your ‘love’ for me?
I hate you. And love you as much as I hate you.
Cheers to Kuta lonely night. Damn it! You didn’t reply my text! While I know you CAN!

Seni Digantungin

August 1, 2010, 7:55 pm

Katamu, senja itu nyeni dan misterius untuk orang seni.
Diantara terang dan gelap.
Titik bertemu antara terang dan gelap yang bertolak belakang itu.
Mungkin kamu benar benar merasa dan berfikir demikian, atau hanya karena mantanmu yang bilang jadi kamu setuju.
Aku takkan pernah tau.
Kalau aku, aku setuju.
Bukan karena kamu yang bilang, tapi karena aku meresapi saat saat senja.
Senja itu sendu.
Sendu itu terasa perih.
Tapi senja juga manis, dan ada perasaan misterius antara perih dan manis.
Coba kamu rasakan subuh.
Subuh itu dingin, tapi ia lembut.
Dingin. Subuh gak perduli kamu menggigil kedinginan, yang penting ia datang gak terlambat dan pergi juga tepat pada waktunya.
Subuh itu seperti ibu yang mengajarimu ketekunan.
Ketekunan untuk beribadah, untuk bekerja, untuk belajar, dan untuk menjadi kuat.
Dan kamu percis seperti subuh.
Kamu dingin, gak perhatian, gak perduli, gak ber-pe-rasa-an !
Tapi kamu mengajariku untuk menjadi kuat. Mandiri, dan tegar.
Apakah seni bagimu, menjalin suatu hubungan yang antara ada dan tiada denganku?
Kenapa aku dan kamu bertindak, berlaku dan berbuat seperti orang pacaran sedangkan aku bukan pacar kamu ya?
Rasanya kurang lebih sama kaya senja dan subuh.
Misterius. Sendu tapi manis. Dingin tapi lembut. Sakit tapi enak.
Bukan sakit tapi enak yang ‘itu’ ya! Ini masalah hati.
Menurutku ini juga seni sih. Seni ‘digantungin’.
Kita liat aja deh, seni yang ini bisa aku nikmati berapa lama. Karena, sejujurnya aku takut menikmati senja, subuh dan kamu.

12 Hour Train

August 1, 2010, 1:51 pm

Schat, I can’t believe I’m on a 12-hour train!
It’s comfortable, and I can’t bear but imagine you’re here with me.
I miss you so much already!! Do you miss me as much as I miss you too? I just wonder..
Well honey, I don’t know what to do.
You have been my addiction.
Since I met you, I haven’t got a day without thinking about you.
And as I say from the start, you’re killing me!
Because you know what, I can’t express myself at any given time or place.
I’m not your girlfriend. I’m afraid to do things to you.
I don’t even hold your hand when we walk together.
But I swear, I really wanted to. I want it so bad, it hurts inside.
Dear, this 12-hour train is taking me far away from home. I can’t explain the feeling.
I feel free, for a few days I will be free from home, from my families and my everyday-life.
It feels like I’m ready to let go of every other things but you.
Miss you schat..
Kisses and Hugs for you always
I love you

Like a Wasabi

July 23, 2010, 4:15 am

I dreamed about you twice yesterday.
In my dreams, you’re still YOU!
one annoying, cold-hearted, good looking, and ignorance guy
who makes my world spins around.
But for the last few days, I find my peace
and I’ve been taking everything calmly.
I used to wait for your call/message,
and get frustrated if you don’t look for me.
I used to expect so many attention from you,
but got disappointed because you don’t care for me the way I want you to.
But I realize now,
It was because I keep lying to my heart.
As you know, hearts can’t think.
My heart wanted you so bad, It was crying for you all the time!
My heart beats and misses
And I keep telling my heart that you miss me too
I told my heart to chill because you will be mine
and my heart won’t stop asking me for you.
That’s how I was murdered by my own heart (which I put the blame on you :p)
But I did take courage and told my heart the truth
That I am no one to you
I am not even your girlfriend
I am just ‘someone’ in your life who might be forgotten as how you forget the first ant you killed.
You have no idea the hurt I had.
It’s not as bad as losing my best friend because of leukemia,
not as much pain as losing my first boyfriend,
not even as hurt as being told that my mom prefers to have no daughter than having one like me.
This hurt you made me feel is more like wasabi.
It’s shocking, spontaneous, strangely feels good, and awkwardly calm.
so calm it sways.
I find peace in the hurt.

.a.h.o.p.e.a.p.r.o.m.i.s.e.

We need to run away!
From our conscious thoughts that might sever us apart
.
We need to go away!
To a place where the fire and the water can mingle
Where the sun and the moon sits side by side
.
.
We need to run fast, faster than time
through the day, hour, minute, and second
.
We should be chasing the moments
Those special moments you can’t find anywhere else
Those which are ours. only you and me.
.
.
Don’t you worry
If you want me to stay, I’ll never leave you
It’s what you do to me
.
.
We have to admit, we didn’t know what we’re looking for
You might think you do,
But I know for sure you don’t
.
In a glimpse of a moment everything seems perfect
that’s when you sit in the window of my life
But glancing into the future, some things do fade
I am scared. Are you?
.
.
.
So when your soul embarks, I’ll be holding tight
I’ll wait to listen to your heartbeat, when you hug me tight in the clouds
And our wings would be so strong, the sun wouldn’t even dare to melt us

.

When all the road is dark and dreamy

And our nature can’t take it anymore

Promise me that you wouldn’t walk away

.

If you want me to stay

I’ll always be by your side